A Quarter Life Crisis... may I say?

 So....

I have no idea if blogging is still a thing (or no?), especially now when people seem to do not have the time at all to do anything that doesn't bring them joy or well, money. 

But anyway i am just glad to find a place to write. 

The last time i wrote something on my (old) blog was 5 years ago, and it was just like an annual thing that i used to do, to dedicate a post for my boyfriend on our anniversary. Do not get me wrong, we're still together but i guess we both just forgot about this tradition and move on to Instagram caption lol. 

Well, since it's my first entry here in this personal journal, i guess an introduction or a summary of my life you may say, may sound appropriate. So.. again...

I am a 23 year old woman, who managed to finished college last year. I have a legitimate bachelor degree in nursing. It does sound like something when i say it out loud, but the moment i say the next sentence i'm a hundred percent sure people would just lost the interest, and yes the next sentence is... i still have no job. I am 23 and i have no job. If i read this sentence in a novel i would probably wondering why? Is it that hard to get a job? Well, apparently, it is, especially when you are not sure what you would want to be doing for the rest of your life. I mean,  my degree is quite specific on the type of jobs i am allowed to do, but it is me who is not entirely sure.

Honestly, i don't know how i ended up here. I did a great job at college,  I did all i have to do, maybe not more but enough to get it done. I learned what i have to learn through out the years. I build myself in those years, and i have no regrets. I just don't know where i did it wrong because I used to know what i want, but these days i don't even know what i am feeling. 

It's not like i don't look for a job, i did apply here and there, i even got an interview last week (haven't heard from them again until now, which make me even more anxious). And to be honest, i want this job. But i've told myself to lower my expectation because it is only my first interview, a lot of people had to gone through a lot before they got their first job and so maybe i do too. 

I am not gonna lie, this past year has been messing with my confidence and personal values, and it is becoming unhealthy. Even worse, i feel like i deserve to feel stressed, and i don't deserve to feel calm or happy or content. 

Everything feels so uncertain, hell, i don't even know where or how i am gonna be next week.

I am just hoping that whatever phase this is, it's gonna pass, that someday i can look back into one of these days and just laugh about it, and be grateful that i went through it, just like those college days where i did feel like i couldn't do it, but here we are anyway....

So, my fingers are crossed....